I don’t like thinking of a topic for my blog. Sometimes in the middle of the night I think of a great topic but the next day I’d forgotten it. Hate that. Then when I open this blog and read through some of my previous posts I SO wish that I can just start typing about some arb thing and it all turns out ok…so that is what I’m going to do today. No topic. Just stuff.
So what’s hot in my life, you ask? Let me put my last 3 months in a nutshell for those who are interested:
In January of this year my dear husband had a freak accident at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Thank the Germans for Volvo. The car was written off but miraciously my precious husband was ok. Apart from some whiplash, bruising stiffness. He was ok. On that same day his uncle died. 2 Days later my sister and her family went back to Australia. A dreadful week indeed.
Just as the dust settled in Feb, one Friday evening my dear husband started complaining about a toothache. He’d had an abscess in August last year that almost sent him into the looney bin (or jail, not sure if he was going to loose his mind or murder someone…). So he knew the signs…it was the start of 2 veeeery long weeks. Needless to say the dreaded abscess was back and there was nothing, ziltch, squat, nada the doctor could do for him except give antibiotics, pain medication and send him home. It was a nightmare. He couldn’t eat, sleep, talk, walk, stand, lie. Pretty much nothing was accomplished. In his defense, he is a wonderful patient. Purely, I think, cause I’m not such a wonderful caregiver-of-adults…I think? Oh well.
The tooth eventually cleared up. He’d lost about 4 kgs (I know, I was hoping tooth abcesses were contagious….) but he looked and felt like a human being again! We were all happy, Yeah! But I started feeling a bit ummm, tired?
Meanwhile I had to go on anti biotics twice in 2 months for a recurring cold. Which in turn prevented me from going boxing. Which in turn meant that I had a lot of surpressed energy that went nowhere. And that, I of course had to keep all to myself as another surprise was hiding behind the corner..
On 11 March my husband had to have a small growth removed from inside his eye. He’s had it removed once before many years ago but it grew back. I am not sure why he thought that this was a good time to have it done. Anywho….
He had someone drop him at the eye hospital as we had arranged that I will pick him up at 1pm and then fetch his car from the office sometime this past weekend. In a mad rush to get to the hospital in peak lunch time traffic (which I had NO idea as to it’s location) 8 kms ended up taking me 50 mins to cover. I seriously had a map sent to us by the doctor which I think his 6 year old daughter drew. Nowhere on that map did it even say where my husband was being operated on…yes yes I should have maybe taken the time to communicate with him WHERE the op was being done but alas…I did not include all the in betweens in this post leading up to this op, so HEAR me out!!
He got out of theatre at 3h15….Thank Apple for iPhone. Did some surfing, chatted to my sister in Aus, read e-mail, played copious amounts of mind numbing games and changed all my settings about 4 times.
Yeah the op was done and a success! So I see that he ate his sandwiches and drank his coffee and I hord him into the car. Let’s go, let’s go let’s go! Time is few and traffic is a nightmare!! Get in get IN GET IN!!
Day 2 of the op and the eye is really not feeling great. Pain medication not really working. He can’t lift anything heavy or bend down. Can’t drive. Can’t really move very fast. Can’t seem to concentrate for too long. Eye is becoming a small issue in my life. Volvo. Tooth. Eye. And eye for a tooth and a volvo for a …..whateva. Thought I’d be clever.
In the meantime I’m feeling something brewing. Aches, pains, headaches general miffness. On Friday afternoon when I got an sms from him warning me that there are many many people at our house I just replied “Not coming home until amount of people have halved”. Sweet darling accepted that reply and indeed sms’d me when they halved (although the remaining half all stayed over…).
Cooked, cleaned, entertained, served, chatted to! Tried my best to be sweet! If you know me very well I am GREAT at what I know I’m good at but I absolotely suck at what I don’t WANT to do and try….so I guessed I sucked.
Saturday morning off to the big interior shop to choose my well deserved new gas stove for our new house!! Whoopwhoop! Been waiting ages for this day! Get there, saw it, decided on it. Let’s go he says. And I think, uhm No? Go home now? To do what? For me to cook again? Serve again? Entertain again? Hell. No. So we did go. And I threw a tantrum – not a fabulous one as I was driving due to sore eye so I had to concentrate and tantrum and that sucks.
And I was very rude. And I felt better after being that rude, but I also felt very bad. Because in hindsight it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t choose to have any of these things happen to him and in turn to me. All he wanted was to be healthy and happy and not in pain. And all I did was internalise all this frustration. I couldn’t take a break. I couldn’t just sit down. I couldn’t refuse the visitors. I couldn’t take it out on anyone else but him. So I did. And I was truly sorry for doing it that way. No I haven’t apologised personally. Although after 15 years we have our own way of dealing with things. I got the message across. He listened. Didn’t agree with any of it. But listened.
And after this whole experience we’re stronger! Sometimes my pride comes in the way of asking: “Please help?”. I’d rather risk losing a limb than asking for help. And I have no-one else to blame but myself. An early inheritance from my mother 🙂
And never ever will I find another understanding more loving wonderful thoughtful sensitive amazing funny clever loyal gorgeous complimenting successful man in the world. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for our love and for our children.
I love you.